Mari
Baghdad, Iraq
About Me: Wife, mother, Pagan, writer, thinker
Feeling: 
My blogbook
I'm writing a story; part autobiography, part social commentary
Road to Nowhere
Iraq Blogs
Other Blogs I like:
Take the time to read what they have to say... good or bad, there's more views than what CNN and Fox News have to offer!
Iraq The Model
Baghdad Burning
Free Iraqi
Back to Iraq
The Roost
January 2003
February 2003
March 2003
May 2003
June 2003
July 2003
August 2003
September 2003
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
October 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
May 2006
diary
May 11, 2006
Posted at: 9:03 PM
Posted at: 2:34 AM
Posted at: 12:36 AM
Posted at: 4:34 AM
Posted at: 8:07 PM Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Posted at: 10:16 AM
Posted at: 8:29 PM
Posted at: 9:49 AM
Posted at: 6:16 PM
Mother's Salary
A recent Reuters story reports "A full-time stay-at-home mother would earn $134,121 a year if paid for all her work, an amount similar to a top U.S. ad executive, a marketing director or a judge, according to a study released on Wednesday. A mother who works outside the home would earn an extra $85,876 annually on top of her actual wages for the work she does at home, according to the study by Waltham, Massachusetts-based compensation experts Salary.com."
$85,876? Are you kidding me? That's more than twice my annual salary for being in the freaking Air Force for 13 years!! I wish!!
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Mother may I?
I can't believe this shit. To be seen by the medical center here you have to have a DD form 689 filled out if you're E6 or below.
For fuck's sake. Mother may I please have some medical attention?
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Insanity
There's mentally disturbed, and then there's insane.
Some say the insane don't know they're insane. I don't think that's true. I think you can recognize the insane by the smile. It's a wild-eyed amused smile. And they can recognize it in themselves. I just smiled the smile.
I'm trapped. Trapped by concrete barriers.. Trapped by sand that gets into places that aren't polite. Trapped by the constant smell of dust. Trapped by the frustrating sense of helplessness. Trapped by the flies. The god damned flies. They don't care because they're insane too. They land on your cheek and you brush them away and they land again as soon as your hand is away - or, more maddeningly, they land on your hand before you've even placed it upon the table again. Or against your lap. Or just let it flop down at your side because it doesn't matter where the hell you put it - they will find it.
In my mind the printers both were flung into the lake. They arched beautifully into the air and landed with a satisfying resounding splash that startled the gigantic insects and ants scurrying around the edges as they ran from the drops of water splashed up. They twitched their little antennae and then proceeded on their dizzying run to find some other morsel to take back to their den. Huge freaking ants. I can see them across the street without my glasses. I couldn't drink another cup of coffee if I wanted to, and I can't stop the pounding in my head, I'm out of Relpax and patience.
"What's wrong with the SIPR printer?" they ask in bewilderment. I smile that smile and say "it's in the lake" and return to rummaging around my desk looking for where I left my coffee cup.
GGGGAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
I'm frustrated. Too much, so much how to process it all I've only got a teeny little pee brain how do I wrap around it all and do something with it?
Wasted... I don't know. You know you wake up one day and you think "all is well - I'm where I am to be - I'm who I am to be - life is good" and another day you wake up and go "WTF am I doing here?" Am I wasting away? Have I wasted my life, my time, my talents... have I allowed my dreams to die? Where am I? Who am I?
This is not my beautiful house!
Ok. Calm down. Breathe. Take a deep damned breath and think this through.
I'm both at peace with everything and in turmoil. I want to crawl into a deep dark hole and deal with one piece at a time. There's all the spiritual symbology I'm working my way through - there's the feeling that leaving here will be the hardest most bittersweet thing I've ever done. I told Cassie just today - the words finally came to express it - I yearn for the comforts of home, but part of me is sickened at the idea of sitting at home in comfort while all this is still going on here, yet in truth I'm impotent to do fuck-all about it. If i'd known Civil Affairs existed so long ago, and if I'd actually been in a military frame-of-mind when I enlisted, I'd have joined the Army. Of course I'd have a whole freaking lot more rank on... but... I've lived my life without regrets thus far, so I must press on.
I did come to several decisions finally though.
1. I am going to look for or put together a band when I get back. Rob or no Rob - I need to sing... I need to express myself in that manner. Not that I'm particularly good at it mind you, but I've heard worse and I really really want to do that and sitting around waiting for an invitation isn't going to make it happen.
2. Hot pink with black bangs. Hey - two weeks of leave when I get back - won't nearly make up for all the painful conformity I am subjected to on a regular basis, but at least it will take the edge off a bit.
3. I will definately hook up with the local OTO lodge - I am drawn to this so strongly I'd be doing myself a disservice if I didn't follow through.
Ok, that's it for now - that's all my brain can manage to comprehend, organize and make sense of. The rest will fall into place, I have faith.
Ok for the mundane news - I'm alive and well blah blah blah.. oh, I cut my hair again - it's very short. I don't fucking care anymore. What else? uhm... it's hot.. there's sand... the sun is painfully blinding and uhm.. 3 more months. Yup, that's about it.
Currently reading:
The Dark Remains (The Last Rune, Book 3)
By Mark Anthony
Release date: By 02 October, 2001
Monday, April 17, 2006
Too much spirit?
I've been struggling lately, with a half-formed notion in my head, that I am too many people at once. I'm frustrated, and it's becoming more evident as my time here draws to an end - I'm 2/3rd of the way through my time here in Baghdad, my replacement has been identified and we're looking tentatively at me being out of here around 15 July.
I can express how happy and excited I am to be out of here! To be again with my family, to hold my baby girls again and go shoping with them and have fun hanging out with my friends, and be with the Pagan group there, and especially excited about starting my studies with the OTO there in Vegas, now that I've been baptised into the path of Thelema.
What I can't express - not logically perhaps - is the heart-dropping feeling I get at the thought of leaving here. Not being part of this mission - not giving to something that is so worthy a cause... It makes me sad to think of it. These guys here work harder than I ever have in my 13 years in. Every time these guys go out they are risking their lives - about 3 of them have come close to death - one was shot 3 times on a mission - he went home, recovered, and is back! I have so much respect and admiration for this team, and I feel like everything I am doing has such a significance... It makes me sad to think of going back to Nellis and rotting away.
So, back to what I was saying - I wish I could focus and narrow down to one desire - I wish the aching need to be with my family wasn't tainted by my desire to continue being part of a mission like this. You know, if it wasn't for the kids I could easily do a year or so here. Mind you - this isn't necessarily easy every day - but to be honest the difficulty behind it IS in being away from family.
Of course there's the other parts of me - the one that wants to dye my hair neon pink, tattoo myself head to foot and run a little book shop/lunch counter and listen to the kind of music they play at Starbucks and read papers and hold yoga classes upstairs.
Then there's the part of me that wants to travel around the world taking pictures and eatting strange foods I can't pronounce and listening to the stories of the men and women in the most remote locations.
Then there's the Mari that wants to go to college and be a Phd in ... who knows.. something.
Then there's the Mari that wants things she can't even quite articulate.
I try to reign in all these Maris - to tell myself that right now I am the active duty working here part of me - and family and the rest will have to wait. I need to focus and stop thinking about what I can't have and can't do.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Immigration Issue
Crowds of immigrants and their supporters are filling the streets, chanting, waving flags, and demanding rights, and the emotional stories about escaping poverty, looking for a better life for their family and other emotion-provoking issues are filling time on tv.
All of this is well and good, but I don't understand how it is that so many people are losing sight of what's at the core of this situation. Illegal immigrants are just that - illegal. That's what we're trying to cut down on and fix - sure, we can work on the immigration process - but that doesn't mean that illegal immigration is ok or that suddenly these people deserve the same rights as those who entered the country legally. After 911 we began seriously looking at the process by which people enter this country. We opened our doors and arms to people and they shoved our civility right up our ass. It woke (some of) us up and made us realize we need to review the procedures taken when people come into our country, even those who do so legally, but especially for those who sneak in.
Now for all those who so willingly toss around rights, even to those who have not earned them - doesn't citizenship mean anything to you?
"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our posterity do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
Citizenship is a right - a right defined by and defended by our constitution. All rights are defined by this document, and that relationship should be valued and held sacred. Come to our country, use your knowledge and strength and sweat to make this country the wonderful diverse haven for democracy and fulfilling life that it is - be a part of this - but don't do it by sneaking across our borders, evading taxation and not paying the same homage and effort to the country that is expected of its citizens, and then turn around and demand rights.
That is what is at the core of this issue and all the emotion-evoking flag waving isn't going to change that. Reviewing our processes and making sure we have as equal a balance as possible of fairness and "approachability" for the immigrant as well as fairness and protection to the citizen and government - that is what's going to improve the situation - not demanding that people who broke our laws be given equal rights.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Water on the Moon? What about plumbing in Louisianna?
By Irene Klotz
"CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida (Reuters) - NASA plans to send a two-ton probe crashing into a crater on the moon in hopes of discovering if it harbors water that could be used for manned missions, the U.S. space agency said on Monday.
The $73 million probe, to be built by Northrop Grumman Corp., is set to be launched in 2008 aboard a rocket also carrying a sophisticated lunar mapper.
"We're going to learn a lot from this," said program manager Dan Andrews of NASA's Ames Research Center in Moffett Field, California. "It's going to give us a real definitive understanding of what we have up there."
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With all the things we have going on here on Earth - people rcovering from Katrina, Rita, Tornados and more, possible immigration reform that will cost money, a war on two fronts possibly approaching 3... do we really need to poke probes into craters on the moon just to see what's there? Do we hope to find money up there? Do we hope to find plumbing and housing and things that will help rebuild the lives of those devastated by all the tragedies our country has survived the past year and more? I have no doubt that ultimately the information we gleam from such explorations will be at least interesting, at most beneficial somehow, but I question the timing on this.
At the same time, I'm aware of what can happen if it were decided to put a hold on spending so much money on explorative projects - when is ever a good time to start again?
I don't know what the answer is, I just know that I am right now leaning more towards saying screw what's out there, we need to concentrate on what's down here.
Monday, April 10, 2006
YES!! My life has purpose again!! Go Fins!
That's right bishes... Game 1 of the 2006 schedule will be Miami at Pittsburgh!!
The NFL released the 2006 schedule, available here --> http://www.nfl.com/schedules
Ah, sweet September, how I long for you!
This could be our year!! Or, we can lose so miserably that we drown ourselves in the deep deep depths of miserable loserness.
Let us bow our heads and pray...
We're in the air,
We're on the ground,
We're always in control.
So when you say Miami,
You're talking Super Bowl!
Amen.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
*Sigh*
"Another head hangs lowly,
Child is slowly taken.
And the violence caused such silence,
Who are we mistaken?
But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your head, in your head, they are crying... "
Zombie
The Cranberries
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Censorship in Baghdad
Omar at Iraq the Model says that some stores that used to sell newspapers aren't right now because they're getting threatened by the muhajideen.
"He then showed me one of those notes; the ban includes virtually every paper but basically "papers that promote Safawi [Persian] Shiasm, blasphemous secular ideas and democracy".
I had a hard time trying to swallow what I read, why newspapers? What's going to be next? Will they try to stitch up our mouths and chop our tongues off?!"
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
A lot of rambling... Current mood: contemplative
Off to Balad yay me. 2 days maybe, delivering some systems.
Sooo good timing that I splurged and got myself anther iPod. YES another one.. listen damnit.. this one is 30gb and plays videos. Can you say hours of David Draiman singing only to me? Ok not, but I can have my fantasies thank you very much. Oh and podcasts... shweet! I'm DL like a ... (wonders if Dad reads this).. like a... downloading fool. Yea.
Who am I kidding, Daddy knows I'm a foul-mouthed freak and he loves me anyway. I miss him. I'm going to take some leave when I get back to the states and travel around and visit the family.
I'm downloading "Basic Brewing" right now :D
So, spirits are relatively high. I took some time off work finally - half a day not much maybe but it was a lot compared to the zero time off I've had thus far. I was starting to feel a little antsy and homesick. If I get back from Balad on time Jim said I can go out to the range with them on Friday. Yea baby, I'm ready for some more shooting.
A little bit of disturbing thought for me lately... I read the blog Iraq The Model a lot - it's usually very concise and intelligent review/analysis of the situation here in Iraq, though I take it all with a grain of salt and acknowledge that we (well, I and most reading it) don't honestly know who is this blogger and what their agenda is. It's supposed to be two Iraqi brothers. There are some who do not believe it's actually Iraqis, they believe that it's American propaganda. Some argue that the English and grammar and cultural references are too western,, etc... Now, I don't necessarily believe that, but I did catch something during a recent post. It was a reference to something that's extremely particular to American forces - the reference was such that it smacked me when I read the paragraph that it was as if it was an American (or someone working for American forces) speaking. Now, it is totally possible that it's just a coincidence... I'm not going into details because I don't know how much of what I know I can speak of. Anyway, I'm still not 100% certain of course. I don't know. I just found it odd, and interesting. Still good analysis regardless of who's doing it but I really do hope it's not part of some propaganda machine.
Defenestrate is the most pointless word I've ever heard.
Speaking of words, we were talking the other day about an article that appeared in the S&S about how vulgar society (all of them pretty much) has become. Swearing is more common and less frowned upon than ever before. I commented on a phenomenon that I saw starting about 10 years ago or so. Used to be you'd read headlines and they would say something like "Such and Such actor passed away at 78". Now they say "so and so dead at 78". Now, that may just be semantics to most, but the first time I heard that was in England in 92. Their headlines, and their news anchors, have a much more direct manner of speaking than I was used to on American news. They used the words "dead" and "fat" whereas Americans were still saying "passed away" and "obese" or "heavyset". To read/hear headlines like "doctors say fat people... (etc etc)" was, frankly, quite a bit shocking to me. Not maked man walking down the street shocking mind you, just a bit jarring to the ear, you know? Noticeable. Anyway, so after 3 years in England and getting used to that, I went back to the states and lo, but they were beginning to use such raw words as well. This isn't "we're going to hell in a handbasket" type stuff mind you, but it to me was a noticeable sign about the relaxation of our standards of expression. Western society speaks so raw, and that is ever so much more obvious to me being here in Iraq where there is still a rather eloquent (and wordy) manner of expressing a thought. I'm not saying any of this is good or bad. I've got as bad a potty mouth as people around me, and I have to admit there's something extremely satisfying about saying "fuck", be it either in a moment of incredible delirious desperate horny passion, or a moment of incredible anger or anguish. What I think is sad about our abbreviated means of communication in this day and age is the now-obscure art of writing. By writing I mean the old way - with pen and paper. When I was in Germany I had such a paper fetish. They have writing stores there. yea. Writing/art stores. Like, whole stores dedicated to well-made writing paper, pens, journal, pencils, erasers, etc... I'd get lost in them. I bought some old-fashioned dip pens online with a bunch of different style nibs and wrought that way for a while. I still do when I'm Allesandra (my Florentine SCA persona) and writing in my journal (a lovely thing of wonderful paper in a leather wrapper). Anyway... the thing about writing in this manner (pen and paper) is that it causes you to pause, to think through carefully what you are saying. Even if you're writing a rough draft and expect to transfer it later, you tend to pause more and be more particular about your choice of words when you're writing. Perhaps because it's such a pain in the ass to have to scribble out and correct, or start again. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm weird, but I really do like writing, and I feel that the loss has affected the manner in which people express themselves, and caused many to lose appreciation for the written word.
I saw a gesture the other day that I had seen years ago in the UAE and remembered how very beautiful a gesture it is... I (and several others) shook hands with a man, and after each hand he shook he would put his hand to his heart. Isn't that lovely?
Currently listening: Devil's Bris By Voltaire Release date: By 09 June, 1998
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Why? Why indeed Sir!
Sgt Major pulled me aside and asked if he could speak with me for a few minutes. My heart pounding I wondered "what the fuck did I do now?!". He asked me why I wasn't commissioned.
o.0
It took me a moment to realize he was serious. Why indeed. Let's see... over 2 years of school with no actual degree from it yet, and the fact that I can't keep my mouth shut would be two real good reasons I'm still E5 after 13 years. My family has always come first. I've sacrificed a lot and frankly I could have had more rank a long time ago if it wasn't for the fact that every time I was finally in a position to be recognized (which equates to awards, which equate to points on the test which equates to high scores and a better chance at making rank) - anyway, by the time I finally was beginning to be recognized for the stuff I did, I had to stop doing it all for my family.
I don't regret that - never! Of all the things I'm fierce about (and anyone who knows me knows there are many) family and love always are what I'm most fierce over.
Anyway... I explained to him that I'd not done myself any favors during my career and made choices that I don't regret but that all had a hand to play in the fact that I've still no degree and still have a low rank. He told me to think about it.
All I can think about right now is getting out of Iraq and having my baby girls sitting next to me again. I want nothing more than that - not rank, not money, not respect - just them and their laughter and their beautiful smiles and goofy senses of humour and wonderous way of teaching me how to live.
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March 26, 2006
Kimberly Guilfoyle, from the Fox's crime show "The Lineup" is working my last nerve.
Today she starts her show with "starteling new revelations in the Natalie Holloway case"... it turns out to be more speculation about how Natalie might have overdosed, etc... the first guest on the show is Natalie's father and Guilfoyle has the nerve to try to distance herself from the show's overhyped intro by greeting the father and stating how she's offended by this person's speculation. For pete's sake! We hear from the father, then she has other guests not the least bit affiliated with the investigation do what? That's right.. offer their speculation. Next up is the case of the woman who killed her minister husband and more guests offer speculation about why that woman might have killed him. Guilfoyle's voice makes her sound shrill and in need of a serious decaffenating. And by the way, when one of her guests says something contrary to how she thinks it should be, she cuts them off and argues with them instead of hearing them out... my least favorite way of dealing with invited guests.
Not one single thing said on her show was "new"... we'd already heard the headline news, already seen a couple of programs before hers give us all the latest on all the same stories she covered. The Lineup is a time filler - it's what the execs put on when they think "hey, let's have this hyped up brunette, who doesn't have any more information than anyone else has, blab at the audience, bring on "field expert" guests, who don't have any more information about any of these cases than we do, to blab with her (and occassionally attempt to debate with her), until we get some actual news to report.
Yet another reminder why I never watch tv. The only reason I'm being subjected to this torture is because others want to watch tv around here. I can't wait to get out of here and never have to watch tv again! (Except for truly interesting things like Discovery, PBS and Food Network).
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March 19, 2006
There's what I call the ritualized hippy. This Pagan is basically a happy-go-lucky, Earth-conscious, tree-hugging hippy-type person who just wants to love and let love. Probably one of my favorite types of Pagans because they're usually the one with the best home-made wine and just want to have fun.
There's the ordained-in-every-path Pagan. Often begun in an earnest search for something more "valid" than the last, this arch-type sometimes is then propelled forward even more earnestly by a consuming need to "know". If Paganism had a passport this person would have more stamps than anyone else. They probably forgot more than any of the rest of us have ever known, and can't take a poo without calling upon some long-ago-learned school of magic. While I giggle in jest, I respect these Pagans because usually all this formalized training does them good, and gives them a broad sense of knowledge and maybe just a bit of wisdom tossed in there.
There's the "gosh this is cool, and look at my new thingy – I don't know how to use it or the history behind it or what it's for, but isn't it cool?" Pagan. 'Nuff said I think.
I could go on and on, but I want to cut to the chase and get to the arch-type that is the focus of my attention lately - the angry Pagan. Usually angry at Christianity or Christians in general - this Pagan makes it his/her point of every sentence to be as shockingly, mockingly, rude as they possibly can be. It's as if in their mind every rude statement about "them" somehow bolsters the validity of our path.
I'm sorry, I know right now many are squirming or feeling uncomfortable because they either ARE the angry Pagan, have been the angry Pagan, or know an angry Pagan. But bear with me please. It is not my intent to speak ill of anyone's spirituality or their needs or beliefs, but I do feel that public, uncensored expression of the sentiments often felt and thought by "the angry Pagan" may be antithetical to the struggles and victories of Paganism in general. I do not say this in a condescending manner. I only wish to caution the angry Pagan to be aware of the consequences of expression. That's what is at the core of just about every Pagan path I've researched thus far; understanding, and being willing to experience the consequences of, action and expression.
I find that most Pagans that have been practicing for more than a couple years probably go through several arch-types. Most often I see people *start* at the angry Pagan and move on when they have managed to find a place in their minds and hearts that allows them to separate the things they are actually angry about and find a way to move on. I do not suggest that the person is wrong for being angry. Much like the stages of grief being necessary for one to grow through the grief and make it to the other side, anger is often an integral part of spiritual growth. For the Pagan it can help identify oppressive forces in ones life, and help that person break free of them. Anger can help propel that person forward to action (action of change) that is like the butterfly breaking free of the cocoon, or a baby bird breaking free of its egg - sometimes it takes a bit of force. For the angry Pagan that force is their anger.
So no, I do not say that it is wrong to be angry at or about the effect that oppressive forces have had in your life. What I do suggest is that we be aware of the effect of publicly expressing that anger (and by public I mean in a setting where nonpagans, or those tentatively expressing interest in paganism would hear). Why would I do that? Do we not have the right to express our beliefs? Have we not fought so hard to be free of that oppressiveness so that we can in fact have the freedom to express ourselves, even if that expression is wrapped in the verbiage of anger? Aren't we right, and isn't this our right? Yes, I believe it is. However; at what cost comes the indignant, belligerent expression of that right?
All the while when we fight for our right to expression, equality and respect - we shoot ourselves in the foot when our public verbiage is laced with anger and belligerence. With our belligerent self-righteousness we actually lose the battle of righteousness. Most Pagans, particularly the angry Pagan, have a negative connotation about righteousness because they've probably had their face rubbed in Christian righteousness their whole lives. That's what they're angry about. They might respond with "but I'm not trying to be righteous – I don't need to be like that". All the while they think themselves to be right and the Christian oppressors to be wrong. Well why should we, as Pagans, not be righteous? Righteous is that which is "in accordance with virtue or morality", and that which is "morally justifiable" (1) Do you not have a sense of virtue and morality? Do you not have a code of ethics, of conduct? If there is any line you draw – any point at which you think that doing something might be wrong, then yes, you have a code of ethics, and you have a sense of morality, and you can in fact, be righteous. You may, in fact, even be right. By now though, most Pagans have come to the realization, or soon will, that no one can - reasonably - claim to be right while others are wrong. Most Pagans make nod to this notion by stating that they believe that what they practice is right for them. That's how you maintain your righteousness without slipping into a patronizing sense of self-righteousness. In expressing that freedom of expression, freedom to practice ones spirituality, and freedom of religion must mean freedom for all to do so - we gain the moral ground. Through our earnest and honest expression of our spirituality, we become righteous, we find our own moral code by which to live, and that moral code is the basis for our expression and interaction with the world around us.
So why would the angry Pagan be damaging to our cause? Well - we cannot maintain any claim to righteousness; we cannot claim any moral high ground, while we are expressing anger and belligerence, and while we are evoking the anger of others. We cannot stake a claim to validity and equality while we are publicly verbalizing the notion that others are invalid and unequal. We cannot express a sense of righteousness if we do not respect the same claim in others. Many at this point have the word "tolerance" come to mind. To me this isn't exactly about tolerance. It's about public expression and the effects thereof. The issue of tolerance and whether or not one should be tolerant to the views of others is an issue I don't even wish to address at this point. Be intolerant if you wish. You can think whatever angry and belligerent thoughts you wish to, but when you vocalize them you detract from our claim to righteousness and that, in the end, is what this is about. We will never the majority, so we will always be at the mercy of the majority. We will never be the one holding the purse strings, so we will always be at the mercy of those that do. We will never be the law-makers, so we will always be at the mercy of the law. Our only recompense is our righteousness - acted upon and expressed in such a way that it establishes the claim for our rights. To convince others that by our righteousness we are worthy and deserving, of our rights, and our right to a fair share of resources.
Why wall this? Why bother? Let the angry Pagan publicly express their anger – let them anger others! Let's stoke the fires of discontent and cause chaos and leave them to deal with it – what do we care? You may not, but I do, and other Pagans do, because we have fought for so much. If you were sitting comfortably in a chair, well-fed, well-rested, and content, and near you walks a Christian who was obviously tired and hurt, would you offer your chair that they might rest and recover a bit? And if you did, and you stood aside, and while enjoying your hospitality they uttered belligerent statements about you, your way of life, and your beliefs, would you be so kind to the next Christian who passed by you? What if roles were reversed? What if it was you who offered nothing but invective, hateful belligerence? Would you actually expect to ever be the recipient of care, resources and respect ever again?
In your anger you might very well attempt to convince yourself that you are not at the mercy of others and their resources, but I caution you against that belief for my experiences have shown me that we always will be. Do not read a martyr tone of voice into that. I don't have the sense of the martyr I have the sense of the minority. I have the sense of one who has seen "the system" and understood how to work it. I have learned how to identify myself as pagan, maintain a sense of righteousness, and be the recipient of the resources that are available through my assertion of my rights. It is not at the tip of a sword that we earn ground anymore. Be angry if you feel compelled to anger. Be reactive against the forces that served to oppress you - by all means. But in your public expression of your spirituality, take care that anger is not your religion. Take care that your expression does not hurt your case. Take heed that you do not cut off your nose to spite your face, and be aware of the helping hand extended to you, so that in your anger you do not turn it away - never to be offered to you again though one day you may very well need it. Take care that you do not, by the expression of your anger, taint the ground gained by those who've fought for you and your rights.
(1) Dictionary.com, Lexico Publishing Group, LLC. 2006. http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=righteous
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March 16, 2006
Month's worth of updates here: This blog is cut and past from my new one. The links don't make the cut and paste, so go here if you'd like to see the new blog.
Things always get worse first
It is known - things always get worse before they get better.
The question is - does one have the strength to make it through to the other side?
Do the Iraqis have the strength, determination, and sense of rightness to make it through as things get worse before they get better? More civilians are dying daily to murder squads and explosive devices; they anxiously await the formation of a new government, and they deal with day-to-day life issues that they expected to be better by now - electricity, security, medical care, etc... Of course there are some things that are getting better
Hell we can't even figure out if a uniformed policeman coming at you is actually an Iraqi policeman, or if it's an insurgent who got a hold of some uniforms, or if it's evidence of something more sinister. And education is being attacked now?
And we sit listening/watching intently to the news - but what is well-checked facts, and what is misinformation - information we're "leaking" that we know is false but are reporting to try to cause others to show their hands?
And if I hear one more fucking time about current opinion polls about President Bush I'm going to scream. Ok, let me scream now, for it's only a matter of time before someone turns on the tv and I hear it. What the hell do those opinion polls have to do with the running of a government? I firmly stand by the opinion that coming into Iraq was not a mistake. I do believe that there were many mistakes made in how the planning and execution of the ordeal, but I do believe we need to be here. But even if I didn't, what good would that do? Anyone can wage a war in hindsight and say we should have done this, that, or the other, but *NO* war was ever waged and run from start to finish exactly the way it would have been done in hindsight. So we fucked some stuff up. We figure out where we went wrong and we get on with a better plan. It's akin to the mess going on with who was wrong about Katrina. Where were all these people who have all the answers now? What did THEY do to prevent the tragedy? Shut the hell up - all of you. You are so perfect and know everything now don't you? You make me sick.
Through the murkiness we wallow. I feel ill.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Images from Camp Victory
Current mood: amused
I made an updated version of my webpage (CSS and PHP CMS=sexy)
Here's a link to a page with some pictures from Camp Victory, Baghdad Iraq. No, I don't work in any of the buildings pictured. Ours is much less nice. http://mariwashere.com/content/view/16/41/
Currently reading:
The Two Swords : The Hunters Blades Trilogy, Book III (The Hunter's Blades Trilogy)
By R.A. Salvatore
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Never underestimate the power of stupidity
I believe there is a difference between ignorance and stupidity.
Ignorance is the state of not knowing something. We're all ignorant about something since no one knows everything. It's ok to be ignorant about something.
Stupidity is the state of not knowing something, having the opportunity presented to you to learn, and choosing to not learn, and yet speaking about that which you are ignorant as if you did in fact know something.
This, my friends, is stupidity
http://groups.myspace.com/fuckthetroops
The thing is, I won't be signing petitions to have it removed. People need to know that this much ignorance exists, and see who it is. I mean really - a 17 year old little boy. I would suggest "come to Iraq and say that to us here, say it to our faces after you come back from going out on patrol with the guys, after you've worked 6 months straight with no days off, after you've heard the intel reports about what we're doing - good *and* bad"
But, I won't say that because he isn't even old enough to join the military and come over here without a note from mommy. He's not even old enough to vote were he even so inclined to be part of the political process and actually had enough sense to put his money where his mouth is.
One especially ridiculous comment made in the groups was about how the troops should "throw down their guns and tell their government to fight the war themselves" - mind you I corrected the person's grammatical mistakes- and of course in my mind were the famous words "We the People".
Sunday, March 05, 2006
Goddamnit
So I'm in this really enjoyable dream right? It's soooo real that I know it's not real. Rob and I are getting busy. Hot steamy monkey love. And in the middle of it he decides he has to go outside and do something. I clutch at him and in my mind I'm saying "nooooo!!!! Don't stop, don't end the dream, I'm going to wake up in Iraq alone please don't go outside... keep me here" Only I can't say it outloud because that will alert "him" that it's just a dream so I just hold on and say "no, don't worry about it outside" and I look at his face to etch it in my mind... I put my nose to his neck and feel his pulse, smell him.... and he pulls away, says "I'll be right back!" gives me that lopsided boyish grin, winks, goes outside. I lay back in the bed and cry.
And I'm awakened - sharply and with my heart racing by a loud explosion.
Fucking hell. Assholes!!! Fuck me. The standard "holy shit... that was either big or close" comes to mind. How much more can the land around here take? Hell I hope we're not near any major fault lines or something like that.
And I have a headache. Brilliant.
My identity - my power
Like most witches I chose to take on a "craft" name when I was first initiated into a formal tradition. I learned that one can choose a public name, or a private, or both. I chose both, and went a step further than most. My craft name wasn't just to be a "pen name" that I signed my "Pagan" stuff with - it became the name I use all the time, the name I introduce myself as... I went just short of having my name legally changed.
I chose the name Mari for several reasons. First of all, it was because I was adopted when I was 3 and my parents changed my name from my birth name, Maria, to the name of their choice, Amy. I always resented that. Besides which, as I was talking with my mentor about the practice of taking on an Initiate name, I had a vision of a woman. Her head was covered with a veil. My mentor saw that I was receiving a vision and asked me to describe it to her. I did so, did my best to sketch what I saw and explain what I was feeling, and those present came to the conclusion that I'd "seen" the Goddess Mari. I didn't even know there was a Goddess Mari. I laughed and explained about the changing of my name Maria, and about how my biological family still calls me "Maryita" or "Mari" for short. We all laughed and said "It's perfect!" and Mari Cruz was born.
So yesterday I had a conversation with a coworker in which they asked me about my name (my first name is Amy but I go by Mari). "How do you get Mari from Amy?" he asked me.
I explained to him that it was a choice I made later in life. Who is to say what I am to be called? "Your family?!" He responded. Well, what's my family got to do with it?
He asked me "What happened to your family loyalty?".
I blinked.
Family loyalty? What's family loyalty got to do with my name? I explain to him that I made a conscious choice to go by a name that I felt fit me better. He looked at me as if I'd grown another head.
I realize at moments like this just how differently I (and many Pagans like myself) perceive things. I named my youngest daughter Emily, but she prefers to be called Emma (though she spells it with one M). Who am I to argue? Who am I to tell my daughter "I want you to go by *this* name"?
I believe that we resonate to the energies of things... thoughts, sounds... words. Many Pagan paths believe there are power words - words that exude a particular energy resonance that can be used in magical endeavors.
So, can your name be used as a power word? I believe so. We define ourselves. Yes, we are exposed to things not of our own creation that affect us - affect our thoughts and ideas, our feelings. But those situations don't define us; our reaction to these things is what defines us, and we can choose our external reactions.
I specify external reactions because the fact is there are internal reactions we can't initially control. A person walks past us and accidentally steps on our foot and it hurts. Do you have control over whether or not that hurt your toe? Probably not immediately... but you can regain your composure and offer a generous "no no, it's ok.. I'll walk it off...". Same is true for our emotional reactions. A person might say something that hurts our feelings - it's hard to prevent that internal reaction, but we can choose how to project our outward reaction.
So anyway... the manner in which we choose to express ourselves is our outward reaction to our experiences in life. I believe the taking of a magical/craft name is a choice in which we have people address us by a name that resonates with an energy most fitting to us. When people call me Mari in their minds they're simply calling me the thing that will get my attention - what they don't know is that that *thing* that gets my attention is a word that resonates a particular energy to me. It is many things at once - an affirmation of my beliefs, my independance... my spirit.
Not everyone may choose a craft name, nor will everyone choose to be called by this name in the "mundane" - but it's an option that for some can be a very powerful, rewarding and reaffirming choice.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
How to amuse yourself with other people's stupidity (Another jackass award)
Mister "hola mami" guy can go fuck off for one thing. I mean honestly. I tell him my name is SSgt Cruz, only my kids call me mommy. He blinks and acts offended.
But anyway... my favorite conversation goes something like this:
"Are you mexican?"
"uhmm no..."
"oh, I was trying to figure out what you are... With a name like Cruz...."
"I'm married"
"Oh I'm not trying to be like that.... I mean I'm not like trying to hit on you or anything"
(Right, so why isn't this jackass having this conversation with THAT Cruz over there?!)
o.0
"No man.. I mean... you can't guess my ethnicity based on my husband's name now can you?"
"Oh ok.. so like... what nationality are you?"
"I'm American"
Friday, February 24, 2006
Deeper into madness we fall....
Current mood: frustrated
We have to face the fact that either all of us are going to die together or we are going to learn to live together and if we are to live together we have to talk.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Iraq is being pushed toward civil war by those forces (internal and external) that stand to benefit from it being weakend even more. Around the world other leaders are calling for restraint, for talks to discuss how they can prevent yet more atrocities and resentments and retaliations; and yet the Sunni leaders don't wish to talk?
Gah.
So, there's this hideous beast of resentment raging out there. Out there on the "outside". The outside, btw.. is about 400 yards away. The wall... the wire...
I want to go out there and scream and smack them soundly about the head and shoulders with a rolled up newspaper. Stop it! Go away you outside forces that are trying to take advantage of a vulnerable people. And you, you vulnerable people that listen to the seducing sounds of revenge and foolishly convince yourself that joining in this madness will give you control, make you strong. Stop it. Give Iraq a chance. Iraq IS for Iraqis and we want you to have it, to be free. We want the hospitals to have supplies and electricity. We want you to have a voice in your government. We want you to be strong. And to those of you standing their in your demonstrations and are yelling anti-American slogans you need to get a FUCKING clue. We're not your enemy. We're not the ones tearing away at the fragile fabric you've woven. We WANT you to succeed..and not as our lapdogs as THEY claim. You are a strong and proud people. We want you to keep your strength and your pride.
But what do I know? I'm just a woman.
This morning something exploded. As it does every morning about the same time... but this was either closer or bigger. The mosque callers are either calling for peace and restraint, or encouraging that people demonstrate. Or maybe they're singing "kill the American bastards, rape their women and boil their doooogggsss". All I know is it's different from what they usually call/sing, and I don't like different.
Mostly what I don't like though, is the feeling of impotence. I'm a woman. I'm in a support role. I sit inside this building and stay "safe". While our boys go out there... to the "outside". One of the field teams shares our office. The rest are out in more remote locations. We support them and sometimes go out to their locations when we need to take them equipment, supplies, or work on stuff they have out there. But team 3 is here with us. Well, usually they are... right now they're out with a unit... they advise and observe and train. They're supposed to be back tomorrow, and I'm very glad for that. Not least of which is because one of the team members is Vinnie the Baker, and we've had no fresh baked bread the whole time he's been gone. Even though I'm not looking forward to how loud it gets when everyone's here, I worry about them when they're gone. We almost lost one of them a year ago, and he's back here again... he was shot 3 times, fortunately light wounds (Monty Python moment pardon me.. "It's just a flesh wound!")... but anyway... he's out there right now. I can't imagine how his family feels. The team will be back and most likely in the middle of the night... dragging their gear and dumping it in the corners of their trailers and raising quite a racket. I'll roll over in my bed and grumble, and be glad to know they're safe.
Until they go "out" there again.
And here I sit. Girl that I am. I might as well be wearing a fucking skirt and sewing their clothes.
*sigh*
Thursday, February 23, 2006
This week's "you are an asshole" award goes to....
...The shitbag who tried to chat me up while I'm running. Hello! This is MY space, MY time, MY world asshole... piss off!
So I found this Vegan website that sells a bunch of non-dairy stuff that's hard to get in many places and impossible to get here. Yay me. Turns out Vegans are good for something after all.
I'm drinking a double shot esprsso from Cinnabon right now. Yes, I said Cinnabon. They have a freaking Cinnabon here. Also Burger King, Popeyes, Subway and Pizza Hut. For pete's sake. No wonder there's so many fat asses around here.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Freeganism?
I had no idea this was even going on. Freegan is taken from the words "Free" and "Vegan", though one needn't be Vegan to enjoy this lifestyle.
From the website Freegan.info:
"Freegans are people who employ alternative strategies for living based on limited participation in the conventional economy and minimal consumption of resources. Freegans embrace community, generosity, social concern, freedom, cooperation, and sharing in opposition to a society based on materialism, moral apathy, competition, conformity, and greed."
One of the major aspects seems to be dumpster diving. I know.. it sounds nasty. But the truth is that lots of grocery stores get rid of food that's still perfectly edible, sealed and unspoiled, as this article by Liz Scarff illustrates. One example was a whole box full of jars of food that were discarded because one of the jars broke and got the others sticky. Instead of cleaning them off, the easy way out was taken and the whole box was discarded.
There's other aspects to the movement - all basically taking a "clean your own backyard" approach to righting the evils of capitalist society.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Sadness in Iraq
My heart hurts for reading this...
This blog from a mother who works in a hospital and tells us of the conditions there. They are losing so many people for not having electricity and supplies.
And this from her daughter who speaks of her friend's father and uncle being murdered on the street. It makes me think of my own pre-teens and I can't even comprehend them having to experience these things day in and day out.
Is it as the others said, that Iraq right now is at the bend of the river, unable to see how far its come and unable to see the future? I wish to comment to them - to say "I think of you and wish you well and hope my country's prescence here helps in some way even if you can't see it"... but then I think I best keep those thoughts to myself. I do wish them well though. I hope they can see around the bend soon.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
"New" Abu Graib pictures
For the record, the recently released photos are not "new". They're part of the same series of picture from '03. The photos that were released back then were some of the "less graphic" ones, and obviously people thought we're ready for the more graphic ones now.
Not a new thing - not new abuse - not reoccurances. Just people trying to pick at scabs to keep wounds fresh.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Wake up Walmart? What world are you living in?
I came across this grass-roots movement; an attempt to get Wal-mart to change its "evil" ways. http://wakeupwalmart.com/
I have to admit I'm confused by this. I didn't spend all day at the site, and I won't deny that there are certainly some business practices that Wal-mart could stand to fix, but reading their "facts" page I found these as the first few facts listed:
A Substantial Number of Wal-Mart Associates earn far below the poverty line
In 2001, the last year for which Wal-Mart has released figures for most occupations, sales associates, the most common job in Wal-Mart, earned on average $8.23 an hour for annual wages of $13,861.The 2001 poverty line for a family of three was $14,630. ["Is Wal-Mart Too Powerful?", Business Week, 10/6/03 and US Dept of Health and Human Services 2001 Poverty Guidelines, 2001]
UHM.. excuse me.. but you're quoting one person's salary at $13k, and stating that's below the powerty line for 3 people. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services the 2006 poverty level for a one person household is $9800 in the continental US. I can't find the current salary figures to compare to the current poverty levels, but you can see plainly that the 2001 salary is still well above the current poverty levels, and I doubt Wal-mart has cut associate salary.
That's not good enough for these people though, because they go on to state that what these figures prove is that:
"Wal-Mart Associates don't earn enough to support a family "
Of coure they don't, there's nothing saying they have to be paid enough to support a family of 3 for pete's sake. Show me any legally binding document that states that ANY employer *must* pay even entry-level workers enough to support an entire family. It doesn't exist and frankly I wouldn't expect it to.
I'm not trying to put anybody down who works at Wal-mart... any work is honorable in my opinion. But from the employer's stand-point, they are paying you for your time and work. Stocking shelves, running a cash register and all the other things an associate does is worth X amount of money in their eyes. They're not giving you money to feed your family, they're giving you money for the work you did - what you do with that money is your business. If you need more money than that work is worth, get a better job. Or heaven forbid, get another job. Single parent and can't spend more time away from home with another job? Sorry, but that doesn't obligate Wal-mart to support your family. They are still only responsible for paying you a fair wage for your work.
There's more on the website, and more convincing arguments against Wal-mart policies, but I expect people to put their best and strongest arguments first, and they lost me at their first two "points".
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Cheney and yet again - THE MEDIA
Ok ok I have to get this out. First of all - the media. *Deep Sigh*. We watched CNN the past few days as the reporters frothed at the mouth about why it took over 20 some odd hours for the accident to be reported. Look - we're talking about the Vice President of the United States of America. Of COURSE they're going to huddle before they release this, what the fuck would you do? Just imagine it. The guy's sent off to the hospital, after everyone is assured he's got medical attention they gather. "Dick... run this by me again... YOU DID WHAT?!" He hangs his head. "I shot Harry". Incredulous stares. Guffaws. Concern. "Are you ok?" they might be asking. "I just fucking shot Harry... I'm the Vice President of the United fucking States of America and I just shot someone... would YOU be ok?!"
I will grant them one thing - the manner in which they chose to release it *was* odd. I would have expected that the White House would have had a PR person hold a conference and make the announcement. Instead they say they chose to let the property owner decide the manner in which the world would be released? That is odd - but hardly "extremely odd" (read: Suspicious) as is being reported. Were they still "huddling" and the ranch owner went off on her own and made the announcement and now they're trying to play catchup? I don't know - but either way you look at it - the news is out, the White House has spoken about it, and sitting there spending hours asking the same damned question over and over again is the biggest waste of time.
As for why Cheney hasn't said anything yet, and didn't make a public address about this - what the hell can the guy say? It's all been said. Give the guy some time to get his brain around this, let Whittington get out of the hospital - give Cheney a chance to get his breath, and then let him make a statement.
Frankly there's a lot more stuff going on out there, and the repetitious questions, the accusations and freaking out over this serves no one. All I see is a couple reporters on power trips pointing their fingers at some poor PR guy like he's someone who owes them the world. The more I see of this the less I want to have anything to do with the media whatsoever. At what point do these people forget that it's a priviledge to walk into these buildings and ask these questions. Yes, the public has the right to know, but that doesn't make you God of the religion of Media. When people say "here is the information we have, we've answered your questions, this is all we have" to continue to berate the poor PR guys, to continue with a "you owe me more because I demand it" attitude is just... shit. I don't know what that one salt-and-pepper haired reporter's name is but when I find out he's going to be my next "you're an asshole" target.
0 comment/s
February 14, 2006
My next tattoo!!!
I'm so excited I had to post because... well, because who the heck else would I tell?
I figured out what my next tattoo is going to be!!
It's pele, holding up a lehua blossom above her head, but she is in the body of a phoenix, with her hair entertwining with the phoenix's feathers.
I want to put it above the one I already have (that's in the small of my back) and maybe colour in the one I already have a bit to make it match a bit more. I think the phoenix might have some tribal element to it to match the existing tattoo.
The symbolism in the image is in many layers - the tattoo I already have is of a sun and lion, both male symbols, and pele and the phoenix will be female elements to balance. They both, however, continue the theme of fire related symbology, that being the element that's most influential in my life. Then there's the symbolism of the phoenix itself - that which rises out of the ashes, which ties in nicely with the destruction and then creation aspects of pele.
I'm working on a concept drawing that I'll take to an artist to get done properly when I get a chance. I'm so excited. It just came pouring out today and it was like a tide I couldn't stop. I'm too tired just now to figure out or express why/where it's all coming from - but it feels good and right.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Politics and where do Iraqi's stand?
For those interested in the political parties here, check out the BBC's guide to Iraqi political parties
And here are people's questions being answered by Iraqi people.. questions about how life is now, how people view the government,etc... Keep in mind one must take reading these things with a grain of salt. It's much like taking a cross-section of American opinion. Ask 100 people about the existance of racism and one person will say "oh that doesn't happen anymore that used to happen a long time ago" whereas someone else will give examples of suffering through racism on a daily basis. Most surprising to me was the comment that the Sunni vs. Shia antagonism is a recent thing. Researching this leads me to several opposing references, including this one stating the "Sunni vs. Shia" division is a myth, and this one stating that opinions about the new judge in Saddam's trial are expressly divided between Sunni and Shia. Who do we believe? What's the truth? To say that there is no division is rather silly imo I mean... there ARE two different sects and they DO have opposing views.. my last post about Ashura explains those opposing views. How can one say then that there is no division? One could argue (as the person who posted that there is no such division did) that this is a western-created myth, yet one can read on islamweb.com a whole list of essays, interviews and such regarding such a division (the introduction states the purpose of the site is to "solve the discord and a course to elucidate the truth").
I find myself frustrated to no end. Some ask me "why do you bother - it's not your country or your politics". I can only answer that I feel a responsibility to. I am in the military, I am over here... I am seeing the effects of war on a country. I want to know the good and the bad of my country's involvement. I want to know the good and the bad of the people who suffer the consequences of war. I want to comprehend what's going on for the sheer sake of not being ignorant about something that we have not heard the last of - something monumentally historical that will continue to effect our public relations, foreign affairs and national security. I want to educate myself about the issues so that I can see/read the news and hear the reactions of the leaders and citizens of Iraq and be able to recognize truth and hope.
And I'm still trying to figure out if Ask the Imam is real.
Ashura
Omar from ITM has this to say and gosh but if this isn't the perfect wording I dunno what is:
"For the past few days Baghdad was shrouded in black in a mood that revives the holy tragedies of the Islamic history of Iraq as if there's insistence on reliving the past over and over again and especially on living in the agony of the of a past that is centuries old.
For many Iraqis, the wheel of time had stopped 14 centuries ago and it seems that it is the past not the present that is more influential in the lives and mentality of many Iraqis.
The day before Ashura I couldn't reach my workplace and the taxi driver had to turn back after the first block we faced, the driver turned to me and said "if al-Hussein whom we mourn comes back and looks at our condition, he would be mourning us".
Remembering the past and learning from its mistakes is a good thing but drowning in the sadness of the past to distract one's self from the problems of the present is not wise at all especially when you hear slogans like this one:
Every day is Ashura and every land is Kerbala
This is one of the most common slogans repeated by Shia Muslims in Iraq nowadays and it clearly tells people to believe that their own suffering, no matter how big or tragic cannot be as big or worth caring for as al-Hussein's.
I am not against the Shia faith but I feel that religious Shia parties are exploiting the faith of the common people to keep them busy with a past that is long gone and distract them from their own troubles."
And a regular to the site, MarineDad responded with this, which again, is so perfect...
"Brothers, there is a motto we use in business. It's a quote attributed to Rosabeth Moss-cantor who was the editor of the Harvard Business Review.
Here it is: "All change, in the middle, looks like failure."
I'm not a bible reader, but the story of exodus is insightful: the Jews fled pharoa and then wandered in the desert for forty years. In the middle of this long journey some of them starting asking what was so bad about slavery in egypt!
In my career I have done many large scale system installations. These implementations were very expensive and created great change. Every one of these projects was met with tremendous resistance. And inevitably someone would wonder "what was so bad about the old ways?"
Here is why this happens: change is like a valley, when people are in the depths of this valley they know that they cannot go back and they can no longer see the starting point clearly. And yet they cannot see the future either."
If you need some background to grasp this...
First - "Caliph" is the title given to the successor of Mohammed, who by gaining the title becomes the spiritual leader of Islam.
Now.. for the problem between the Shias and the Sunni...
"Sunnis and Shias differ sharply and dogmatically on the central question of Islamic political theory: who shall lead the Muslim community? Sunni Muslims believe that the first four caliphs (Abu Bakr, Omar, Osman, and Ali) were the Prophets rightful successors. They venerate these four as rightly guided caliphs, but hold later caliphs in much less esteem on the grounds that many of them were personally corrupt and failed to heed the advice of the religious scholars of the day.
The Shia, or partisans of Ali, believe that the fourth caliph was the only rightful successor to Mohammed because he was the Prophets cousin and son-in-law. Regarding the first three Caliphs as usurpers, they thus differ from Sunnis in their emphasis on authority deriving from kinship with the Prophet. They reject the authority of all subsequent Sunni caliphs, giving their allegiance instead to the Imams, a genealogically anointed succession of Alis descendants. These doctrinal differences often escalate into sectarian strife: In the ideology of radical Sunni militants such as Al Qaeda, Shias are no less infidels than Christians and Jews."
Now for Ashura... the point at which this division occured. From religionfacts.com:
"Muhammad designated Ashura as a day of fasting from sunset to sunset, perhaps patterned on the Jewish Day of Atonement (Yom Kippur). Traditionally, Ashura commemorates two events: the day Nuh (Noah) left the ark and the day Musa (Moses) was saved from the Egyptians by Allah. When Jewish-Muslim relations became strained, however, Muhammad made Ramadan the Muslim month of fasting, making Ashura a voluntary fast, as it has remained among Sunnis. "
(BTW, The word Ashura means "ten").
During the Ashura celebration in the year 680, Imam Hussain ibn Ali (Son of Ali - the fourth Caliph) was killed during his rebellion in Kerbala against the Caliph Yazid who was the son of the son-in-law of the prophet. From the Shia perspective Hussain was the rightful successor (and should have been Caliph). The Shia celebration of Ashura often includes a pilgrammage to Kerbala during which the pilgrams flagelate themselves to symbolize the suffering of Hussain and his followers. If you see rather frightful pictures of Ashura marchers and they appear to be covered in blood don't fret too much - it's usually red paint - though some of them appear to flagelate themselves to the point of being well-welted if not outright bleeding.
Ashura was restricted during Saddam Hussein's reign because of its rebellious origins. Though it has been celebrated the last few years since Hussein was taken out of power, it has unfortunately turned into a vehicle for suicide bombers to get around, disguised as pilgrams, as well as become a prime opportunity for violence between the Shia and the Sunni.
Now, that's the issues as I best understand them. If any readers see any statements that I've made that are incorrect, please let me know. I'm going my best to research and understand the issues at hand and trying to find reliable and non-biased sources.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
The Baghdad Report, Vol 2
For those just joining us, the Baghdad report is a weekly "amusing things overheard in Baghdad". Ok so it's not SNL funny, but your sense of humour gets tickled by little things here.
This week on as the JIEDDO turns:
Navy Officer "what the fuck... where's Tom?"
Innocent bystander "I think he's in the bathroom"
Navy Officer "what the fuck is he doing... Tom.. what the fuck... dude... are you combing your hair?!"
Tom: (voice coming out of the bathroom) You didn't tell me I had helmet hair
Navy Officer "you're a god damned marine get out here"
Tom: "You let me walk around all day with my hair all jacked up like this from my helmet?!"
Navy Officer: "what the hell... someone give him some gel. God damn it. Tom let's go!"
Friday, February 10, 2006
No sleep tonight?
Doesn't seem like they want to let us sleep tonight. I just hope that hundred rounds I heard unloaded in someone's ass came from *our* guys. Won't know until tomorrow where the mortars landed but goddamn it's edgy now. At least the birds are back in the air, that's always comforting. I remember my first few nights here they made me nervous but now I hear them and it makes me feel more relaxed knowing it's safe enough for our birds to fly that means we're ok.
I thought about going back to the office tonight to sit around, and I did for a bit but it was too boring. It's weird.. you want to be around others for a sense of security but you want to be in the comfort of your hooch for... well.. comfort lol. I'll pick up my book in a bit and try to relax with some reading.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
This place is going to drive me insane
Current mood: pissed off
I swear the helpdesk here has hired some of the least technically proficient people available on the planet.
Three weeks trying to convince these people they didn't activate the exchange accounts for 3 of the organiational boxes we asked for, then I finally get someone on the line who I think understands and she takes 15 minutes and finally says "ok should be good to go" and today I get a call replying to an email I'd sent days after I got here and I tell him "someone yesterday said they took care of it" and he looks and says "nope, the boxes still aren't there." OMG. Then they tell me they can't baseline one of the computers I sent to them because they can't get the NIC to work. Hey asshole how about loading the driver? Then they tell me one of the other systems is ready, but the third one had to be sent to replacement parts because they blew the power supply. Are you fucking kidding me? You can't email them because they don't answer their email, you call for days on end and never get through to anyone, and you stop by their office to talk to them face to face and you get someone who doesn't want you there in the office. Nice. Assholes.
Wag the dog?
You know the Danish cartoon that supposedly made half of the fundamentalist Moslems foam at the mouth?
Check this out.. the original cartoon was published FIVE (5) months ago. Why is half the fundamentalist world losing its collective "mind" now? Check this out...
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February 05, 2006
Tom Toles, Christian Amanpour, and can I be a journalist after all this?
Let's start with Tom Toles.
Oh lordy. Lordy, lordy.
http://www.ucomics.com/tomtoles/2006/01/29/
Hmm. For the first time in history, the Joint Chiefs of Staff responded with a letter to which they all put their signatures... a scathing reprimand to Mister Toles for his callousness. Ironically of course, that's the very thing that Mister Toles seems to be accusing Mr. Rumsfeld of.
Yeesh. I was asked if I was offended by the cartoon. Honestly I guess I have to say yes... at worse it's taky. Of course I appreciate Toles' right to express himself ... I just think that's something I wouldn't have expressed.
What I am absolutely mind-explodingly offended at was Christianne Amanpour (known around here as the war whore and frankly I like that term for her now) stating... are you ready?
"Journalists are paying the price for this war"
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Keep your asses the fuck out of here and you won't get shot at, kidnapped or killed. Stay out from under the feet of the troops trying to get a job done and you won't "pay the price" that no one is asking you to.
BTW, does anyone notice the flags on the uniforms of the troops Woodard was travelling around with? Those are Iraqi troops he was travelling with. Notice in my last post about what's going on over here who's the most targetted individuals here? That's right.. Iraqi police and military troops. You don't have to ride with them to report that. You don't have to even be here to report that. You can do your job (reporting the news) from a safe location. Embedding with the Iraqis is the way to get your ass blown up. Don't come the fuck out here get under our feet, get your dumbass shot and then cry on TV about how you're paying the price for the war when you don't have to fucking be here.
Can I still be a journalist?
I've been seriously pondering this lately.
There are several types of jobs open as a journalist. You have the "report the facts, just the facts... nothing but the facts" type journalism which frankly seems to be a dying art lately. You can't get the facts without them adding their shocked expressions, trying to mold it into something shocking and give their particular emotional spin to it.
Then you have the other sort, the sort that the "just the facts" reporters bring in as back up... the people who's job it is to express what "could be".
Example... so and so is arrested and accused of a crime. The just the facts reporters state this. Then call in the cavalry ... the lawyers, the analysts, to give all sorts of spin to those "facts". "Well Bob, in my professional opinion what judge so and so will probably do is judge based on the precedent set in 98 in such and such case blah blah blah". STFU, honestly. You don't know any more than the rest of us know what is going to happen. You're not educating us, you're wasting our time. I've noticed that's the usual format. "here's the headlines, here's the facts, now let's talk to a bunch of people who are going to tell us what might happen next while we wait for the next step to unfold and give us something else to report."
Now the press goes on about freedom of speech. The way I see it.. Freedom of speech means freedom to tell the truth. As in - the government cannot shut down a newspaper or a news program, or any one individual.. for speaking the truth. For revealing truth (unless of course we're talking about classified information). It also means, to me, the right to express one's opinions and views AS opinions and views. What it's turning into, however, is a mockery of that freedom. People going on about Frey's book, waving the freedom of speech flag. They are turning it into freedom for liars. (I've discussed this extensively already - it's not that he wrote what turned out to be a fictional book that's so wrong, it's that he spent so much time telling everyone it was absolutely true before/while he sold it)
So here I am with what is basically (from my point of view) a common-sense approach to things. The fact that I CAN say something doesn't mean I have to, or should. Yes, we can call that self-censorship and OMG here come the anti-censorship nazis to hoot and holler about how wrong that is. You know, if keeping my mouth shut instead of intentionally, unnecessarily hurting people is bad, then fucking sue me. I cannot allow myself to use such pat phrases as "freedom of speech", "the people have the right to know" and other such phrases, an an attempt to rationalize doing something that I know is intentionally harmful ad unnecessary. That doesn't mean I won't ever cause offense. It just means I'm conscious about the effect my words will have, aware of their power, and use that power with conscious intention. Frankly, I think much of modern media misses that. It's a business, and they're competing for ratings right along with Deperate Housewives and whatever sad excuse for entertainment we're melting our brains with these days.
I might be able to make it if I could get paid to do what I do now... write opinion pieces... or like I did for Ancient Heritage Magazine where I wrote about spirituality and things I honestly care about, with the creed of being truthful, socially conscious and respectful.
I dunno. I continue with this identity crisis and hope for something to become clear.
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February 04, 2006
Are we doing any good over here, and why are we still here?
I've been asked this several times now, and figured probably not for the last time, so I'll address this in my blog. I preface this with the explanation that I am a computer person, and female. I don't go outside the wire. However, I do listen every day to those that do. I hear their stories - unedited, uncensored. I read the intelligence reports.
In short, yes, I believe we're doing good here. Mind you there's quite a few aspects, quite a few missions we have going on at the same time. Ultimately though, we must train and assist the Iraqi forces to stand on their own. They are absolutely not ready for that yet, which is why we are still here. There's little things like, they don't know how to read maps. An integral part of infantry operations is being able to pull open a map and pinpoint various locations, grid coordinates ya know? They don't know how to do simple things like that. The list is long and frustrating for those who are tasked with giving these people the tools needed to continue to defend their freedom.
Which brings me to another point. Don't assume all military personnel are brainwashed idiots. That's incredibly offensive. No, we're not out here protecting American rights and freedom... that sort of propaganda flag-waving bullshit is annoying and ignorant. What we are doing is trying to prepare the Iraqis to defend theirs, and trying to keep our own troops secure while doing so. And all that hype about "pull out your troops and we'll stop attacking" is bullshit, because for all the American deaths you're reading and hearing about, there's just as many, if not more, Iraqi military and police dying every day. Hell most of the Americans are dying *because* they're with Iraqi forces and police - they're the one's being targeted. There's people with the mindset that America comes over here, knocks down the door, secures the sector, then high-fives the Iraqi forces on the way out going "ok all safe, good luck" and we go home. It's not like that. They're out there with our forces learning (and from the reports I get regularly they have a lot to learn - and are eager to do so).
For various reasons from security to economy it behooved our government to secure freedom for the Iraqi people, now it behooves us to stay until we know they can defend it themselves. Until then, I do not believe it is a waste of resources to continue our missions here. And those polls saying "half Iraqis want Americans gone"... statistics is a screwy game. And which half do we respond to? All those Americans screaming about how we need to bring our troops home right now need to realize that's the dumbest thing we could do... to leave before the locals are ready. They'll get run over and we'll be right back out here. We've already spent the money, already suffered the losses... we're committed now, and should get the job done.
Another thing I'd like to address - there's a lot of videos out there showing Americans doing a lot of stupid shit out here. That is an extremely (and I mean extremely) small percentage. Don't let that image taint your view of our troops because half those knuckleheads are contractors. Oh, and another thing... that Abu Graib thing... those people weren't interrogators. They kept getting called that but they weren't... they were National Guard MPs. What were their civilian jobs? Yea... the worked in detention facilities. So, were they properly trained in the handling of detainees? Yes, they were. Were they properly trained in interrogation? NO, they weren't, because they're not interrogators and they had no business interrogating.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Well, seems James DID indeed "Frey"
Harken back to my post here where I posited on the James Frey issue.
Again I reiterate that there are two different aspects to this situation. There's the status of the book. The conclusion of which, for me, is that it's still a good book, and those who labeled it "a good book" should continue to do so. The other aspect is the fact that what he did was wrong. That's the fact that others seem to be glossing over.
Like this article defending Frey's actions under the "Free Speech" clause, which wraps up with
"So give James Frey a break. He's done more drugs than Courtney Love, Ozzy Osbourne and the cast of "Dazed and Confused" combined. If you were surprised by the recent news, then you didn't read the book for what it actually was. The addiction, the love, the misery, the recovery - all were real. He gave us what we wanted, we ate it up and I can't really fault him for that. This man was an alcoholic and a drug addict and a criminal. Now I guess we can add human to that list."
Apparently the author, who still seems oblivious to the actual extent to which Frey lied IN his book, is also woefully oblivious to the amount of lying he did in SELLING his book. If you read the article, you'll see he calls Oprah an idiot for the show she did where she confronts Frey about his lies.
I don't know if my response will ever get posted ("Free speech" when it's a negative comment to someone's article tends to be censored), so I'm posting it here because I can....
Hmmm... your response has aspects I agree with, but I think you take it too far and miss what's really wrong with this situation.
My initial response to this situation was that the book should just be relabeled as "fiction", Frey should say "yea, I exaggerated" and we all should get on with life. Frankly I was surprised by Oprah's turn-around. I agreed with her initial reaction (aired on Larry King) in which she basically said "hey, I chose the book because it's a good read - the fact that it's fiction is a matter of labeling.. what he did was wrong but the book is still good".
But the more I thought about it, and the more responses I read, the more I found an alarming trend. We're severely glossing over the fact that the man went on an all-out PR campaign to sell this book as fact. So, although I was surprised by the fact that Oprah switched tracks and led a public verbal-caning of the man, I disagree with you... I don't believe she's an idiot for having done so. She was expressing a justified outrage at a practice that *should* be condemned. After all, "everybody does it" is hardly an intelligent defense of an incorrect action.
The "wrongness" of Frey's actions aren't just in that he took liberty with facts. Yes, many do that (right or wrong), to great effect. But he didn't just exaggerate in his book - he went around telling us just how TRUE everything in the book was.
"Frey told Cleveland's Plain Dealer in a May 2003 interview that the book was straight nonfiction, claiming that his publisher, Doubleday, "contacted the people I wrote about in the book. All the events depicted in the book checked out as factually accurate. I changed people's names. I do believe in the anonymity part of AA. The only things I changed were aspects of people that might reveal their identity. Otherwise, it's all true."
That PR campaign is what led to the selling, and stature of the book. Instead of having some sort of literary integrity and allowing the book to stand on its own, he took great pains to make sure we thought it was 100% accurate in order to make it more compelling. As writers I believe we *ought* to take offense at that. I expect readers to as well... we have the right to know the validity of what we are putting in our heads. I want to know what's fiction or non-fiction before I read it and allow it to affect my paradigms. Frey's lack of integrity betrayed reader's ability to make that intelligent choice.
That, I believe, is what was so wrong about what he did, and what writers and readers are, justifiably, reacting to with indignation.
Would you eat dog food? What about a dog?...
I'm not sure what else to say to this but "Yikes", but it's got my mind going.
The gist:
Christine Drummond, of Mighty Mix (a dog food company), had a friend visit Kenya, see how devastatingly poor and starving many of the people are, and offered to donate to them thousands of packets of a dry-powder dog food mix, made of things they're used to eating (the main ingredient being corn), that could be mixed with water and fed to the starving children. It was to be distributed as a dietary supplement, not as dog food.
The response was that they realized she meant well, but it was culturally unacceptable because being called a dog is the worst insult one can make in Africa, where people don't even keep dogs as pets, so the cultural repulsion to eatting dog food was something they just couldn't face, and that they weren't that desperate. (so says a representative... I wonder if they asked the parents of any of those starving children)
Meanwhile 4 million people are facing starvation as droughts continue.
So.. Yikes.
Now, was it wrong of me to wonder if they'll EAT dogs?
Honestly. But anyway... couldn't they have just kept quiet about the origins of the mix and not told their people? Which would you rather do? Put aside a cultural repulsion to a notion, or watch your people starve? And if they did do that, and you were one of the people eatting this, or feeding it to your children, and discovered the truth after the fact, would it be enough to shift your thinking, or would your cultural repulsion make you toss it all out and return to starvation?
I know that since I don't share the same cultural mentality it's easy for me to say I'd eat it and feed it to my kids happily, but I wonder what I'd do if I were in their situation. Part of me thinks I'd get the hell over the repulsion. I say this because I've had discussions with people about where I draw the line in terms of what animals I'd eat. I honestly believe if I was hungry and desperate enough I'd eat my own cats. That's something most people hear and say they can't fathom that I can think that way. But would they maintain that repulsion if they were in that situation?
Where I know I CAN draw a line is at cannabalism. It would take being at such an extremely severe need for me to eat a human being that I can't imagine being AT that extreme. Even trying to fathom it, I *might* be able to eek out of myself an acceptance of eatting human flesh if I didn't know the person (and most certainly assuming they were dead already, as I'm quite certain there's no way I could kill a person for the purpose of preventing my own starvation), but I can definately say I would rather off myself than eat a family member. So, do the people in Kenya share that level of aversion? Would eatting dog food be the same for them as eating the flesh of a family member be for me?
The convenience of maintaining such repulsions is proportional to our level of comfort.
Currently listening: Crazy By Julio Iglesias Release date: By 17 May, 1994
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Another book... Decipher
So I started reading "Decipher" yesterday and I'm about 1/4 the way through it. It's the second book in a week that's made mention of CERN and Vatican City. So the premise in this book is that some drillers in Antartica discovered a wall, presumably around a submerged city with pre-cuneiform writing, that was made of something we don't have the technology to make, and housed something with power we don't have the technology to fathom. In otherwords - Atlantis.
Again with the religion versus science motif. Seems to be a kick I'm on subconsciously. I just grabbed books that seemed interesting... I didn't consciously look for books of this nature. But I do like them.
In trying to figure out what the hell they were singing every morning I came across this (sound automatically plays on this link but there's a control box to turn it off) website that explains it... of course the more you read the site, the more you realize it's explaining the "evils" of Islam. And the more you read the more you see references to things like "The Roman Whore". I love people like this. Everyone's evil, everyone's a vehicle for Satan's far-reaching grasp. The guy won't even explain the origins of Christmas on the website - you have to write him for the details because the Pagan story is too "pornographic". For fuck's sake. He describes the catholic Mary as intentionally portrayed as a beautiful woman in order to insite lustful thoughts. Yea, you're an ass alright dude, and it has nothing to do with Numbers.
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January 29, 2006
I'm very tired. I told myself I was going to stop work early today then realized how crazy that sounded... It's 8pm!! But it was an early day.. I slept in today (0730). It's hard to keep track of the days.
I got a lot done today though, so I'm really happy about that. I went ahead and bought the AF P.T. pants and jacket so I can do PT in the morning and not freeze to death. I really need to get back out there. I've been doing situps and pushups in my room, but I need to get back out and run again even though I hate it.
I just finished reading Dan Browne's ... HOLY SHIT that copter flew low. God damn. Ya know.. I'm used to hearing them fly now, and in fact when they don't it's an unsettling sort of quiet... but every once in a while one flies just a tad too low and man oh man that's some scary shit. Ok, my heart rate's calming down a bit. Fuck me.
Anyway... I just finished reading Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and I have to say I'm really impressed with his writing. I love the subject matter he tackles... in this case it's religion versus science. But he casts some really interesting view points on the "debate" through some of the characters... those who have an open enough mind AND heart to see both sides. One of the characters mentions something that I said years ago... that the more they delve into the science behind things the more it seems to them to be proof of God's "existance"... the more miraculous things seem. It sounds contradictory, but it isn't (at least in our minds and hearts). I guess it's because you realize exactly how perfect it all has to be... temperatures, alignments, chemicals, etc... all have to be just exactly perfectly so. One tiny Nth and it's all fucked up. It practically outlines the hand of God for me. But then again my notion of "God" is a lot more fluid than the average person's. I guess when it comes down to it if I absolutely HAD to *define* my concept of God I'd say it's energy. God is the ultimate source of energy. And the thing is, that I'm ok with the unknown. Science tries to answer the unknowns, and I'm interested in whatever it comes up with, but I don't expect it to answer all of it because I don't think it ever will be able to. That's where a different type of common sense steps in. When you FEEL the movement of divinity it's common sense to admit so. When you sense it in others, it's common sense to acknowledge it. I guess I live in a very comfortable balance. I want to know WHY, and I question and seek and look for the answers, but I don't turn away when the answer seems "unbelieveable". I embrace all levels of the truth. Sometimes the answer I find is not something I can share with or explain to others. I hesitate to use the word "faith" because the connotation of that word is "blind faith", and to me it's not blind. I've been given "evidence", but it's not evidence that appears to others. Sometimes that's frustrating. Sometimes I wish I could share that with others... make them see it so they know what I know. But mostly I just accept that it's what it is. I'm not sure why some of us can see and sense and understand things that others can't, but I accept it as such. Where I draw the line is that I don't expect others to understand or even to believe, whereas others do. That's where it all goes astray. That's where religion goes wrong. Those are the people I don't agree with. I just want to tell them "Hold close to you those who see the truths you do, but don't attempt to force others to see your truths". That furiously insistant driving to force others to see it as they do is what makes some organized religions so detestable. And it shouldn't be that way because it casts such an ugly tint to what could be such a beautiful thing. The strength and peace that people find in their spirituality, their faith, and in their religions, can be such a wonderful and powerful thing. It gives them a way to express the things they perceive, it gives them rituals through which they purify and release emotional baggage, and it gives them a group to turn to like a support system. If seen for what it is, and not taken to extremes (not taken blindly either for that matter)... it's beautiful. It's when it's taken to extremes, when those who follow the religion (and I'm talking about any religion here) believe that only they are right and others are wrong and they HAVE to make others think as they do... they take this beautiful expression of spiritual perception and they twist it into a sword with which they attempt to slice through the beliefs, faith and religion of others... that's when it becomes not a vehicle in which they travel a spiritual path, but an ugly, twisted weapon ... feared and retaliated against by those who would be its victim. It makes me very sad that man has turned religions into what they are today. And it's what keeps me from claiming any particular religion to be affiliated with. Being what religion is now, there is not one that would be able to contain my beliefs and be enough for me to express my perceptions. I guess I'll always be a heathen and a damn happy one at that!
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January 24, 2006
Thank you Sir, May I have another?
Another serving of "Give a Fuck" that is.
Let's introduce our narrator. This is Mari. Mari is a 32 year old SSgt who has been in for 13 and a half years and is unhappy about the fact that her Army coworkers have been in for 12-ish and are E7s. Mari likes the colour red, is partial to licorice, and will do her job to the best of her ability regardless of any such silly nonsense as rank or importance of the client. In short, Mari doesn't give a god damn if you wipe your ass with gold foil. When she says "this cannot be done" she means "no, and goodbye".
*Deep Breathe*
I mean really! You can keep me on this phone for 3 hours if it tickles your fancy, the answer when you hang up is STILL going to be no. I can't shit a Blackberry server out of my ass regardless of how much you chew it.
Kaboom.
*everyone looks at each other*
"That was a non-controlled explosion"
LOL Kat's cool people and hell no I'm not going out running with her. Every once in a while I get the nerve to toss in a joking remark when she leaves herself wide open for one, but then I look around and say "she's gonna kick my ass" as everyone nods and smiles.
Denny is convinced the dogs are coming through a tunnel the "Hajis" are making to get to us. Kat says she's going to go under his hooch one night and scratch at the bottom of it. We all agreed with Schein when he said "I dunno, that would be a difficult report to write up trying to explain exactly how and why you got your ass shot all up"
Someone said that being over here is like the movie "Ground Hog Day" It's so true. I was talking to someone the other day and he asked me a question and I looked at him and said "you just asked me that this morning" and he said "no I didn't, that was yesterday". I could swear to god it was all the same day. Every day is the same. Hell sometimes I don't know if it's day or night.
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